it breaks my heart to hear how empty people feel. how they need someone. how they need something. addictions & emotions that rule their lives. i'm talking to myself included. sure you might think "no i'm not depressed," "no i'm not addicted to drugs." but thats not even it. open your eyes! take a look at what rules your life. what owns you. what you put first in your life. what do you think about most in a day. what you put most of your time into. what means most to you?

this is all so temporary. "I am not my own." This life is just a brief moment in time. There is an eternity ahead and everything you do here sets you up for your eternity. I know the eternity i desire. and that is one with Jesus. eternity people--that means FOREVER. right.. our minds can't even comprehend that. it's kind of scary when you think that amount of time. or at least try to. but it exists. and we can spend it with our Father. but living halfway isn't going to get us there.

the harsh reality is that if we aren't trying to live every second as jesus did and if we're not living as if jesus is coming back right now, that eternity is not ours. God doesn't want eternity with people that merely believed in His existence. just as you and i wouldn't want to spend forever with "acquaintences." we would want to spend it with people who we absolutely loved. and who we knew loved us no matter the circumstance. so why should God desire anything less? He doesn't. I'm not speaking for Him here, it's in the Bible. it doesn't matter how many services you attend or how many times a day you bow your head. it's about the life you live. if it is one that glorifies God. and yes, we will fall short and mess up and never be "perfect" but God is not expecting perfection. just a real true passionate love relationship that is completely dependent on Him.

God is absolutely in love with us and desires nothing more than for us to walk with Him and to get even the tiniest understanding of His crazy love for us. and though we can never fully understand it until we are face to face with the creator of every tiny atom to the clusters of galaxies (and even then we probably won't even be able to fully grasp it) what we can get and experience is incredible.

it's not to say suffering is gone. hurt is gone. pain is unreal. no, that is the world we live in. but our Father is here to comfort us from the messes we get ourselves in to. from the sin swarming this earth. and He is here to heal. and forgive. and to wrap us in His arms. and to Restore. and to Love.

What if tomorrow was it? What if right after this sentence, we suddenly die? Of course I don't wish that at all for any one us..but what if? You might say "Well, that's it. I'm in the ground and I'm done." But for real.. we will see judgement. We will have to give an account for our lives. And when you are in the presence of God, are you going to want to say what it is your life has been? or are you going to wish you had something greater, more fulfilling, more worthy to tell your Father? When were on our faces in the presence of the Lord, are we going to be begging that hell won't be our destination? or will we be able to be confident and know that yes, we may have screwed up, but we know our Father who saved us and forgave us. So we turned to Him every time (and there were many times) but in all, we lived to exemplify Jesus. and if nothing else, our lives were lived in love with Jesus. Which ending do you desire?

Jesus Saves.


Sorry if that wasn't cohesive, orderly, or completely comprehensible.
I didn't proof read much.


I don't expect this to be the journal entry that changes the world. quite honestly i didn't write this expecting most to read past the first paragraph. but i can no longer sit by knowing the greatest love there is and keep quiet and keep it to myself. it's just plain selfish. i think about all the lives lost everyday. right here in west islip even. and i have to sit back and know, they might never have known God in their life. and i'm partially responsible for that. so this entry may not reach the world. but it's reaching someone. someone.

so for those of you who made it here....God is right here right now. and He absolutely loves you. and wants you to know Him. REALLY know Him, not just His existence. The way we've all prayed at one time or another, that's all it takes. Just talking to Him and starting a conversation with the God of the universe who sacrificed His son and who saw each and every one of our faces as He was nailed to a cross. It's a choice for love and for life. All it takes is a choice. It's a place to start.



You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
*I trust in you*
I believe You're my healer
I believe You are ALL i need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all i need
Nothing is impossible for you
Nothing is impossible
You hold my world in your hands



The same power that conquered the grave
Lives in me, Lives in me
Your love that rescued the earth
Lives in me, lives in me.

<3

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems
Forgiven, I’m alive! Restored! Set free!
Your majesty resides inside of me,
forever I believe. forever I believe.
arrested by Your truth and righteousness
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
convicted by your spirit, led by your word
[your love will never fail]
[your love will never fail]
cause I know you gave the world
your only son for us to know your name,
to live within the Saviour's love
and he took my place, knowing he’d be crucified
and you loved, you loved, a people undeserving


i had a pit in my stomach this morning. like i felt like something was wrong but i didn't know what. i now know what i needed. it's so incredible. i wish words could explain.


let not the things of this world ever sway me*

glory in the highest!

I will wait for You there
Down on my knees where I met You
Give You all of my cares
Find a grace to hold onto now
I’m calling for You

I will wait for You there
far from the world and it’s violence
It left me broken and bare
I need to hear You in the silence now
I’m calling for You

And with outstretched arms
I will sing your melodies
And my beating heart
Will pour out a symphony
Hallelujah’s in the morning
Hallelujah’s in the night
I will wait for you as long as I have life

I will wait for You there
Down On my knees where I met you
Cause life is a war fought with tears
But You are the strength I hold onto now
I’m calling for you

And with outstretched arms
I will sing your melodies
And my beating heart
Will pour out a symphony
Hallelujah’s in the morning
Hallelujah’s in the night
I will wait for you
as long as I have life


God is so good.
Two thumbs up to this summer.
To best friends, old and new.
To experiencing God in crazy ways.
To marveling at this world.
To being in awe.
To falling in love.

The father of lies coming to steal, kill and destroy all my hopes of being good enough.
I hear him saying cursed are the ones who can’t abide
He’s right. Hallelujah, He’s right.

The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
that I am cursed and gone astray.
I cannot gain salvation.
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies be telling the truth of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine.
I hear him saying cursed are the ones who can’t abide.

The devil’s singing over me an age old song
that I am cursed and gone astray.
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves

so much has changed so quicklyyy.

the new list went up.
the new juniors were absolutely ecstatic. like shaking & crying & so excited. it makes me happy, because that's how i hoped they'd be. they're so lucky.
at the meeting i talked to a lot of the new people and got to know them a little bit. i like them and i'm excited to see their year.
i know who i'm giving my stocking to.
i'm very happy & excited about it.
and the body suit. & the 5678.
if i have to pass it down, i'm glad i have these specific people to pass it down to. i'm so excited for the picnic. as sad as it will be i know its going to be so so so much fun!

prom was wonderful! i loved my dress, my hair(thanks lacklyn), my shoes, my friends, my date everythingg!! i didn't stop dancing! and i just had fun going crazy like one last timee with everyoone! me & fooch danced on the speaker! haha idk why but that was like the highlight of my night! & i taught kev how to dance yayy kev! then bus was so fun too0o! comedy club sucked for me i just didnt like it but i love the city so looking out the window at everything was nice! & andreas was coo0ol :] i didnt drink obv but just hangin out was fun! i didnt sleep. except for an hour fromlike 930-1030. and i ran off that all day. but it was okay somehow! besides my mom thinking i was on drugs but whatevs! so overall prom got an A+ in my book! which makes me so happy, cause now i will be happy to remember it!

i can not believe i graduated! i mean i knew i would lol but like it really happened! it's a good feeling. but so weird. me and cynthia were sitting there like were still students at WIHS we still are! then we got up got our names called and sat back down..and we werent anymore. all in the matter of 5 minutes. it was so strange. i mean i guess thats how it happens lol but still it was weird. i loved singing this day. its my favorite song ever and i know we sounded amazing idc what anyone has to say. that was a wonderful moment in time.
my family & joe went to mama's for dinner. it was absolutely amazing! the food was soo good and there was so much of it! gotta love that! and we all had so much fun my family is so funny i love them so much.
i only could stop by erics & erins for a little bit but it was fun while i was there. love bouncy castles.
mine & jess' party was fun :] i had fun at least. just eating lotsaa food and hanging out with everyoneee. & getting presents! i feel like i haven't got presents in forever so i really liked that part haha. my parents got me a full body massage AHHH can not wait. joe got me an outfit from abercrombie that i love love love. larry got me a musical jewelry box :] and heather got me the prettiest necklace & ankle bracelet i can't even explain. i love it all. we had the most intense game of pictionary and it was pretty much the highlight of the night :]
it was a perfect day/night.

kiki & i just went shopping for ang's grad gift.
we ended up getting her something realll hott :]
and we got ourselves sexy dresses.& i got myself
a crazyy outfit but i effing lovee it so muchhh!
i needed to spend a little money on myself to0o.
so it is alll gravy baby. :] im excited for tn!

summer is looking good already :]

<3

Wellll for starters, this week i quit Ralph's and got a job as a physical therapist aid. that's exciting/good news.

besides that, this week has been pretty easy going, just finishing stuff up.

Thursday was the Manetuck show. It was one of my best shows ever. I loved every second of it. Which makes me so happy considering it was my second to last show ever. I got to see all my elementary school teachers. It was weird, being that I'm not graduating high school and we were able recall memories from like 9 years ago. It was all around a perfect day. Then we went to andreas to hangout in the pool and stuff which was also wonderful!

That night was a perfect way to begin our last day of high school together and end our high school career. The Futures (the originals and the only) had a sleepover. we made bracelets and tie dyed shirts and took pictures and ate smores and signed each others yearbooks and reminisced and cried. it was so perfecttttt. im going to miss life with themm. the last day of school we all got up and got ready together. then we went to each of our houses and took pictures with our parents and each other. then it was our last day of school..

I did not stop crying from 1st to 5th period.
I haven't cried that much in a long long long time.
it's so unreal that i will never walk those halls as a student at WIHS again..and so unreal that i will never go to another second period as a member of vocalmotion. 2nd period was very emotional. but when we sang this day in his office, it was the toughest thing ever. erin could barely get out the words to her solo..and most of us couldnt get our words out but somehow we still sounded so good and so strong and it was really amazingg. i'll never forget that.

junior senior is tuesday
family & friends is wednesday
call back dancing is thursday
the list is the 25th
the picnic is the 30th
..that's all that's left of my vm career.
craaaazy.

everyone wrote really special things in my yearbook. i cry everytime i read them.

9th period i got out of chillen in budka's room.
us seniors spent our last period of high school on the stage, where we belong. talking, snuggling, crying. then we stood on the front of the stage and right as the bell rang, we took a bow. it was like a scene out of a movie and it was so perfect. i wouldnt have wanted to be anywhere elsee.

we did a winter runthrough right after school and it was just so much fun. i'm going to miss it so much. like an indescribable amount.

i'm so happy me brie & lo get to make callback dances. it's one last chance to choreograph and i'm so excited. the dance is intense so far & i love it :]

these next few weeks are jampacked busy. but there's lots of exciting stuff happening, so i'm ready!

i'm excited for church tonight.

now it's off to boulder creek with the family<3
oh we had a huge pancake fight across my house this morning.
my dad made almost blinded me in my left eye.
i love my family so much. :]

i'm excited for life.

matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came and said to him,
"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
Jesus said to him,
"I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

i'm working on this.

today was the hottest day of school. i dont mind the humidity and the sweating though :] i got my yearbook after school. most probably hate me for cutting the whole line, but whatevs. i had to make it to the beach with wocheff! it was very lovelyy and sandyy! i love the beach so so so so so so much!

the awards ceremony was weird. it felt like graduation almost and it was weird feeling all this really coming to an end. talking about "we are so proud of the class of 08 and all they've done"
"they've done" makes us sound so past tense. i mean in reality we are. but i don't like feeling like that. i guess it's something to get used to.

i really am like in love with the distinguised performance plaque me brie & lo got..it makes me so happy & proud. and i love the medallion i feel even more proud with that. it feels like all my work paid off and was recognized. im happy.

i don't have to take the precalc final! YAYY life is fab for that.
yet i still have mythology assignments. WHAT THE CRAP.

Redeeming Love. such a good book up to now. i love it. i want a Micheal Hosea. i believe i will have him one day. which is an extremely exciting thought.

understand i'm human. i get caught up in the moment of bitterness. and i think we all know how it feels to get caught up in a moment of any sort. i'm not proud of that. but it happened. once again, i'm sorry.

i feel alive.

last night. i laughed in the face of the enemy. i felt so strong. God is so real. how could anyone possibly argue. i could never deny it. for the first time in a while, my mother and i woke up and agreed to having had NO dreams last night. it's a much bigger deal than it sounds. and a relief. oh thank the Lord.

one year. incredible. <3

Chains be broken.
Lives be healed.
Eyes be opened.
Christ is revealed.

i love life.
this weather is incredible.
i don't mind the humidity.
i don't mind sweating ridiculous amounts.
i love every second of it.
the smell of summerrrrr.
it's hereeee!

this is my last week of high school.
this is it.
we're done.
it's so weird thinking..after this month..people i've grown up with..that i've been in school with since the age of 4..i might never see again. it's so strange.
i'm upset.
really sad.
but so excited.
there's so much life ahead.
i can't wait!

this applies to vocalmotion too.
i'm upset about cancelling our last sunday rehearsal.
it had a lot of meaning.
BUT it's not the end of the world.
vm isn't over yet and that's all that really matters.

i don't get why you did that..
i wouldn't be offended.
i just don't understand,
because you asked me..not the other way around..
i just wish you'd remember what you felt when you asked me
because you obviously had reason..
i'm not mad..i actually am just kinda upset for you.
because i know you want something more..
i dont know what keeps turning you away.

i went to the brookhaven fair last night!
BEST IDEA EVERRR. i loved it :]
i'm like a little kid.
there were giraffes and zebras and wallabies and kangaroos and these crazy monkies and goats and pig races! then there was this lame magic show but it was cute! then there was a sweet firework show! i effing love fireworks! then there was a circus and it was sooo cool! and this crazy trapeze man did really insane stuff and then there were those motorcyclers inside a ball thingg and then a hoola hoop girl and some other crazy stuff and i really loved it! then me & dave went on the zipper and that was ridiculously funn!! and we ate corn dogs and zeppoles it was so greasy and disgustingly delicious! it was pretty wonderful i loved it all. :]

i'm so excited for the summer.
this month: last week of h.s., last vm performances, prom, graduation, parties, six flags!
july: VERMONT and beach every day of my lifee<3
august: getting ready for college and more beach and CAMPING with my FAVS<3
hopefully somewhere in there i'll be going to montauk with my family again because that was really wonderful.

tonight's car ride home was the best of all. if i was talented enough to be any character on broadway it would be elphaba. i had so much fun with pay singing our hearts out! it is my favorite thing in the world :]

tuesday. a year. im so amazed. God is good. i couldn't be more thankful. and really all the glory goes to God. because there's no other way this could've happened. so much change in one year. so much good. because of God. & i can't give the credit to anyone or anything else. i'm so in love.

i love the book i'm reading.
it's called Redeeming Love.
so i'm gonna go read it now.
then go to sleep and begin the end of high school...weirdd.

p.s. i've decided to take my own advice..
it is time...
to WOTL
:]
(it's an acronym)
goodnight.

i feel like that didn't even happen.
so weird how fast it all went.
i've sung my last note as a west islip chorus student.
weird.
i couldnt cry. barely. though i freakin couldnt breathe because of crying so hard before the show. and then after the show. and a little during starmaker. but not for the partys over. strange.
that was the best pre-show ever. i've never been so pumped or felt so ready or so excited. and everyone else was too. not one person wasnt feeling it. it was incredible.
me & brie seriously effing rock triples. it is the best experience of my life haha. especially since were the hottest :] ha seriously love that betch she makes me smile.
i can't believe that was potentially my last vm sleepover. freakin weirddddd. its all so weird. everything.
i feel like this time last year was like..yesterday. typical to say.. but so true. watching our juniors tapes i was like...i feel like i just taped this two days ago..not ten months ago.

all in all we kicked ass in that performance and it was the best damn spring show in history. thats all that matters. i know i rocked it. even after busting my butt on the nsync flip (sweaty hands are no good for that! <3youkev!) and i know we all rocked it even when our music died and we were still singing out hearts out. nothing could steal that fulfillment.

my group never let me down. they always exceeded expectations<3

i'm madd hurt.
urgh.

i have the most beautiful flowers from my two best friends :]
and larry wrote me a card with a poem that made me cry :]
it was so good seeing everyone there :]

this is it. it's the end. it's all winding down. in a month, i'll be ready to sit in that front row. wow.

weird.

it's tomorrow.
less than 24 hours away.
the loves of my life and i.
we are dancing our lives away.
and loving every second<3
today was sooo good.
dancing, eating ice cream, watching our juniors summer video, spending time together, eating some more, singing, dancing some more.
i can't get enough of it.
i love this.
i am so excited to perform tomorrow.
to show all the people who've never seen VM before, what it is that i do. and why i'm always so busy.
it's gonna be so worth it.
i can't wait.
we're going to knock people's socks off.
i know it.
singing starmaker and looking back at my juniors was so weird. a glimpse of a month from now. broke my heart. but i can see how amazing they'll be. i don't want to let them go. but at least i know they wont fall on their asses on their own. it's just so strange. i'm not ready to leave them yet. the party really is over. but that doesnt mean we can't have a sick "afterparty" aka after spring showness. every second counts :] weeeeeeeee!

VOCALMOTION SPRING SHOW `07-`08.
WE ARE VOCALMOTION<3loveforever.

after work on friday me & joe watched untraceable and it was pretty much a sickkk movie. in a good/crazy sort of way. i really likedd it and i understood it which is usually not the case when it comes to me and movies!

saturday a bunch of us went to andrews and played super smash brothers, and guesstures, and laid on the trampoline watching the stars! it was good times :] we almost beat the guys in guesstures til the veryyy last round they beat us by one point :[ such a terrible loss. still madd fun though!

sunday nightt was collisionn. loves it. it was so wonderful. so so good. you don't even knoww. then we went to a diner afterwardsss & then back to chill at the church for a littttttle bit!

yesterday i finally did my mythology final. idk why im saying finally its not due til june 2nd. i guess its cause i knew i wouldnt have any other time for it. go responsible mee. i went to a bbq at my aunts which i havent done in forever and it was so lovelyyy. i have the best familyyy ever and i ate so so much food i almost exploded! then we did a madd funnn runthrough at coreyss and hungout for a little bit! THEN i got starbucks with jaykwon andrew dave & matt. & then we hungout at my house and watched deal or no deal, which i never understood til dave explained it to me! i really enjoy that show now! yayy!

todayy was the first day back to school aka a chorus field trip! yessss! so despite waking up early, the rehearsal was actually kinda funn because the director that worked with us was madddd funny i loved himm! and then chinese buffet is obv a dream come true for any fat person. so that was terrrrrrrific. we then did a runthrough and lizzy watched which was a pleasant surprise! i miss her a lot. she cried to me..because she said i make her cry. which is a good thing. :] then of course something simple turned into something huge with doc and he bugged on me. but whatever he apologized at least. and then we sang the partys over and cried our eyes out but its okay because it just makes me love everyone so much more and i had fun at dinner with them and just hanging out<3i dont want it to end. i'm excited for tomorrow and even more for thursday. :] love my 070great! every last one of you's. looking around the circle each person i stopped at gave me a new reason to go into hysterics. every person. who knows how long we'll be friends. but clearly i realized each person in this group was special to me this year. and it breaks my heart to be leaving them. and all that comes with this group and the love we have for it.

you're being selfish. i don't understand how you could go this far. =\

community group tonight. i was so happy i could go. i love being with people and being with God and being happy. it was worth it despite how exhausted i am. that is all for now.

excitement<33vmvmvmvm! i'll never regret this. no matter how much anyone says. never.

crunch time has been in one word..interesting.
between working our butts off..partying together..hating each other..loving each other..fighting with doc..crying together..laughing together..it's been interesting. it's less then a week to our show. i can't believe it. i'm beyond excited. one more time<3

last weekend i was so exhausted i barely did anything. friday night i worked, then i came home and slept. then saturday i mattress shopped, helped some loves at riser marathon, then worked for a bit, then did some community service at the school which i actually enjoyed :] after collision on sunday we went out to eat and everyones home from college, so it makes me very happppy!

this memorial break has been very enjoyable so far!
wednesday was relaxing just playing wii with larry & panda and larry's puppies! so that was chill.
then yesterday after hell with doc, me lo & andrea went shopping. love those broads. we got brie & jack some stuff and it was lotsa fun. then i baked jack birthday brownies and went to jacklyns to get ready for brie bries. lacklyn did my hair so good and gave me a hott little dress to wear! bries was lots of fun. i love getting dressed up.
and then today was so wonderful! we did a runthrough at mandas and then we just hungout and talked about some vm stuff and then went crazy with the baby i bought jack (joshua clyde). fucci filmed it all. it was hysterical. then some of us got pizza at europa and went to fuccis and got burnnntt. but me fooch & feg shared our lives and laughed at ridiculous videos. i love everyone again yayyy!

i just dont understand why you lied! phew got that out.

still. i am so very happy. i have work tonight but i dont care! i need money anyway! weee hopefully i get some niiiiiice tips ;) MMMMMMM!(fucci and feg laugh at this sound effect please).

the end<3

you cant make someone care as much as you do.
i hate to see some of my fellow seniors giving up on something that i never want to let go of.
juniors, all you can do is be responsible for yourself and KEEP TRYING to be a leader. you may not always be listened to, but always keep trying. as for the rest of you, START trying.

those that dont care anymore, will not apologize i promise you.

im over doc im over the drama im over the bs and trying to make us "like a family" if its just not gonna fall that way..but when we were dancing all i kept saying to ginny was "i cant wait to perform." its that love that keeps me going..there is no better feeling than that..and when you start feeling that feeling EVERY SINGLE TIME the cd starts..thats when you've got "it"
and that never leaves you.
those that had it and have chosen to let go of it, they're gonna be the ones with regrets
there are moments when they cared a lot. and when they think back to those moments and remember why they cared, thats when theyll regret it.

but when you get it...oh man..nothing else is gonna matter..sure its gonna be disappointing when others done give 2 craps. but when u start dancing nothing else is gonnna matter
when you feel it
you'll know it
think about the feeling u get performing with vm
times a billlion. every single day. when you can feel your character running through every part of your body and all the sudden you've completely let loose and your dancing like you never imagine you could and seriously its all about letting go and not holding back and going completely crazy. you're character has to be that big that you can feel it out your fingers and toes.

little things for seniors and juniors to think about...with little time left...just thoughts...

so the med center performance is something i'll never forget.
first of all it felt so good, and was such an amazing show performance wise for me.
second of all the audience was incredible. can't even explain. seeing them sing along with us and cry with us it was crazy. loved it.
and then just spending time with everyone was so good.
i dont wanna leave this all just yet. luckily there's still some time.

we recorded for the last time. well my last time. weird. i cried a lot.

i also cried to nick yesterday.
life is weird when you think about it. you can not relive anything. obvious, i know. but like..still so weird. and that stinks. but that's life!

i got accepted into the honors program at st. joe's
wow and weird i just got mail.. every freshman accepted into the honors program is getting a free ipod touch to use for the music class and to keep! ahhhhh! that's so excited jghajkhg im liking college already!

this has been a good week.

i love my friends.

i am happy.

goodbye!

i love love love this productive feeling.

but not the feeling in my knee.
and my wrist.
and my right forearm.

falling apart man!

p.s. i'm with brie for triples and that makes me the happiest person ever cause we're so in love!!!!!!!! :]

so i made a "to do" list for the first time in my life for today
and i did everythinggg! yayyy i feel so good

i loved vocalmotion today. idk why today more than others. but i did. besides the loss of sunday rehearsals. that's weird as hell.

pull it togethaaa peopleee!

im so exhausted. must sleep now.

<3

oh & i love my sisters.

at the cross I bow my knee
where Your blood was shed for me
[There's no greater love than this]
You have overcome the grave
glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?
You tore the veil. You made a way
when You said that .it is done.



i'll stand with arms high! & heart abandoned!
in awe of the one who gave it all.



shout unto God with a voice of praise.
<3

saturday night i had work =[ wah. then pay pay slept over and we went to church in the morning on sundayy. then i had rehearsal of course which all week it seems as if half the group is missing. which they are. but its kinda annoying. but i cant blame them. ah well anyway. after rehearsal i went to collision. one of the best nights in a long time. so good. then we all went out to friendlys and it was fun fun fun and then we sat in the church parking lot and chilled for a bit til we went home!

monday i had work for a little whilee. then at night me pay joe and heather went bowling and i found out how terrible i really am. i actually kinda like it now though despite my crappiness! me & heather talked a lot on the ride back to my house and i love her a lot. then we watched over the hedge at my house and laughed so hard we couldnt breath :]

tuesday i had rehearsal in the morning. then i went to my aunts house with jess & my daddy and my cousins baby was there and shes so beautiful and we played outside with her & got some sunnnnn & had lunch it was so nice. im glad i got to see her i feel like ive been missing out on her childhood..turns out shes not even 2 yet, so i haven't missed much. then later we had community group but barely anyone could come so it was just me pay joe andrew heather and larry and jess came a little later. we all went bowling again after that and i did so much better! then we raided a 7-11 and hung around andrewss till laterr.

wednesday was rehearsal again. then i laid out in my backyardd for a bitt. i had the eye doctor which was madd annoying but i got clear contacts so im happy now. im glad a got them finally. then i worked all night which was interesting. oh ralph's drama. after it i stopped by laurens and chilled with peeps there for a bit.

yesterday i beached alllll day with cheffy. it was such a perfect beach day despite the obnoxious beatles all over the place! one followed us home and was on my lap while i was driving and i freakeddddd and stopped the car. it wasn't good. =[ when we got back to my house we scrubbed tyraaa and she looks so freshh now! we had a yummy dinner and then got our loves together to go minigolfing! i really love minigolf. & i got a hole in one! then we went to applebees and i had the most disturbing looking cheesecake ever. it was like poisonous strawberry liquid with curdling cheese and soggy crumbs. so pissed. i'd been looking forward to cheesecake all week. shoulda got the smoothie.

today was rehearsal again. then me & yon had a boob day and we tanned and ate pizza and just talked and stuff! i loves her a lot a lot! now i have work all night.

i realized i use my journal just to recall all the stuff of my week. i like it that way. i love looking back and remembering all the stuff i did. yeah. it's cool.

so this vacation has been pretty much more than i could've hoped for and i'm really happy.

for the most part.ugrh.

go away what if's & what coulda been's. the past can be a rough thing.

this week has seemed to take forever
but nice weather made up for it all

i think i pretty much did nothing all day monday

then tuesday was rehearsal. and then me & cheffy went to see prom night. he's stilll making fun of it. but i really thought it was kinda good! ha oh well it was still fun :] then we went to the mall with panda and got some shopping done for chefffffs. & then we go home!

wednesday was potentially the longest 3 hour rehearsal of my lifeee. we really were trying to be so nice. it sucks when nothing seems to work. so i dont wanna hear any crap anymore! i was in the absolute worst mood of my life after that. not bc of vocalmotion though. "something" set me off. i went home and cried to my mom about, i dont even know what. but i felt terrible most of the night. and really had noone to just talk to. i mean im sure i could've found someone. but i guess i was having a self pity party. though the reason i was upset had nothing to do with me. okay lost my train of thought. soooo thursday!

thursday was good times :] school was whatevs doc wasnt there, shocker. but at night me & code name theresa went to the thing at the school and handed out programs cause we were endowed with the special "program handing out talent" at birth. i dont even know what endowed means. youve never even seen that movie. DORLEEEEEN (mix of darleen & doreen cause we dont really know which it was) I ALREADY FILLED ONE OUTTTTTTT! HAAAAAA barbie pumps. whatevs. then we went to open mic and got asked multiple times why we were there by randoms. but we hungout with a mighty nice teacher and got to see andrea and it was all wonderful! i love my biffle negrotantes<3

today was like perfect day of my life.
doc messed with us 2nd period but whats new i dont even care lol. so i spontaneously decided to partake in senior cut day with ang nick lo max(not a senior what?) mich & fucci. it was the most amazingest beach day everrrr and i got so burnt and wonderful and did lifts on the beach and it was such a tease for summer! and then rehearsal was fine and i ate
sooooo much good chinese food! and work was madd busy but i made so much money i dont even care! yayyyyyyyyyyyy!

God's blessing my family in so many ways lately :] yayy. it's so wonderful.

i can't wait for vermont.
& to see my seniors all summer.
& spring show!

good stuff.

this break will be wonderful.
<3